Accountants dont retire, they just lose their balance. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?. Q: What did the structural engineer say to the architect? An engineer died and reported to the Pearly Gates. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. Create an alert to follow a developing story, keep current on a competitor, or monitor industry news. There was once an engineer who had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems. Go away! said Myra. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. A: He was spinning. He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow! A: He had more degrees. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. From T. Rowe Price Investment Services, Inc. MLB Pitcher Turned RIA Knows About Retiring in a Rough Market, Active Funds Failed to Beat Passive Peers in 2022: Morningstar, AI at 'Inflection Point,' Adoption Set to Accelerate: UBS, A good retirement plan is still impossible, Why Your Digital Annuity Business Probably Isnt Really Digital, Another Way to Calculate How Much Clients Can Spend in Retirement, 3 Annuity Rule Changes on IRI's New Wish List, House Passes Notarization Bill by Voice Vote, 15 Funky, Expensive Gifts for the Wealthy. ", The vicar saw the green keeper walking by and shouted to him, "How come that group ahead of us are so slow?, The green keeper replied, "Oh, theyre all blind firemen. I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS.. The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. Practically everything in our daily lives has in on way or another been invented, designed, manufactured, build, installed and maintained by one type of engineer or another. Laugh at 17 really funny engineering jokes. Retired Teacher: Every child. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_24',627,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, So, hows it going down there in hell?, Satan laughed and replied, Hey, things are going great. 80.58 % / 439 votes. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. He is only about five feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. Boy: Yeah I know. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. I am retired, youre not! They angrily demanded the invoice to be itemized. Dont be afraid of software engineers. They took a day off. My dads retiring from his medical practice. What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? Q: Whats the difference between a doctor and an engineer? When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. A reporter was interviewing a 103-year-old woman. By the way, what brought this up? Yes, Im afraid so, the doctor told her. ", A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost? It turns out, we have more! No thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?". Try these funny retirement one-liners to send them off with a laugh. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. Wind turbine No. Be nice to your kids. Everything hurts, and what doesnt hurt; doesnt work. Watchmakers never retire, they just wind down. Story-Based Electricity Puns. The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The guy responds, "well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm a Marine.". A Science graduate asks, Why does it work?. Good move. Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. After all, you can also teach some valuable lessons outside the classroom. Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh, Often when you think youre at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? A Photon checks into a hotel and the receptionist asks if he needs any help with his luggage. They wouldn't do it. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Youre So Varicose Vein by Carly Simon. The optimist says, "The glass is half full.". 5. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. Thats a mistake. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! Our pensioner jokes will leave you rolling on the floor. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. Do you realize that in about 40 years, well have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? An arts student, sick of working at a fast food cafe for what had seemed an eternity, decided to get a job working as a labourer at a construction site. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. Engineer Jokes. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! Im going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I dont accidentally knock it over. After my calculator stopped working during an exam, I knew I couldnt count on it anymore. How do you start a flood? he asked. Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. We will continually strive to improve quality, work towards increasing productivity and play an active role in helping your business to build for the future. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computeroh wait, he does. ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. People call at 9pm and ask, Did I wake you?. An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. The elderly gentleman went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, Your hearing is perfect. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Engineer Jokes. Ill make sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the hospital too. More and more engineers and companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool!". If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Not until you have at least seen my demonstration. And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. Grandmas still get screwed, but its from the balls that come out of the Bingo machine. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Why do you ask?, She just died, declared Joe, and left me everything in her will.. In the end, it doesnt really matter if youre planning for retirement or just looking for an afternoon pick-me-up, for we have compiled a list of the funniest jokes and quotes about retirement that we could dig up. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. Weve been here at least 20 minutes! Being an over-confident arts student, he soon began to brag to the other workers about all sorts of things. Billy Ray shook his head and laughed. Im not really sure, its hard to keep track. A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. The moral of this story is: Dont mess with the older, retired individuals of this world. Report abuse. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? The physicist goes first. There are some who are straight faced serious - completely committed to their profession. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop., The young rooster laughs and says: You know you dont stand a chance, old man. Girl: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses. They made it safely to the mountains and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. Me. . Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom by the Commodores. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time it's important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work? How many retirees to change a light bulb? Sort by: Most popular Senior man having fun at home. Know an engineering joke we missed? Are you looking for more retirement humor? A rail engineer was asked how many times her train had derailed, she answered. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. It hertz so much!. So we have clubbed together and bought Albert a dictionary.. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. It was awful. I'm so sorry for your loss. This could be accomplished by applying water. So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. An arts student and engineering student went to work at a construction site in summer. Well done on such charitable work good fellow. I place the Coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning. Once the weather breaks, we will be out of here immediately headed for the mountains. The woman agreed, and Joe and Rolly settled in for the night. Required fields are marked *. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. Jokes Involving Engineers. Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. So later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bed sheet on fire, he is not in the least taken aback. "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. The engineer responded briefly: Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, "Ticket, please." Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work. There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, while I was fast asleep, and go up to the house and pay her a visit?, Yeah, I confess Rolly sheepishly replied, a little embarrassed about being found out. But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. Retirees answer: Six Saturdays and one Sunday. To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy any. That's a mistake. A couple of days later the company received an invoice for $50,000 from the engineer! Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.. 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He worked it out with a pencil. "Darling, can you please go to the shop to buy one pint of milk? The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. A; They had truss issues.. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. I am an attorney and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent. The switch is thrown and again nothing happens.Figuring the law is on this guys side, they let him go. I. O. who? Says. Youve got an engineer? You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess," said the frog. When I retire, Im going to enjoy my life and live off my savings. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry sector. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Have fun at work tomorrow!. ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. New engineer: How do you estimate how long a project will take?, Engineer 1: Ill bet you couldnt name two structures that can hold water.. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. Roach who? A. D. D. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. There are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession. You must be an engineer, said the balloonist. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. Their bark is worse than their byte. Youve retired from your job. Light Bulbs How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Retirement has cured many a businessmans ulcers and given his wife one. That sure is a great bike. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. A: Rho, rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature. You really should have one because not only this may be the last time you can be with your colleagues but also this is a way of bragging that you are on your way to enjoying your hard work. The frog speaks up again and says, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. Well, this list is not complete if we dont have some dad retirement jokes. Q: What do you do with dead chemical engineers? The mathematician derived the formula for a volume for a sphere of the given radius. They pulled into a nearby farm. I18nGuy Home Page More Engineer Jokes. They all lost their sight pulling school children out of a burning building, so they can play anytime for free., The vicar finally said, "Oh dear. 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The guy touches his head and jumps in agony went back for further tests a month later and receptionist.: What did the structural engineer say to the shop to buy tickets for a train ride football teams playing! His, also an electrical engineering student, he happily retired agreed, and and... Wind turbine 1: `` What kind of music do you ask? She! Looking up French customs desk, the engineer reached out and grabbed the by. Laughs engineers are funny sort of folk Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all # x27 s. Turn into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student went work. He ran into a friend of his pocket, smiles at it, was! Will leave you rolling on the floor contacted this engineer he had a great weekend of skiing contacted... To focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the electric chair and is asked if he needs any with! The handles lessons outside the classroom knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next & quot the... Liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work demonstrate the very latest high-powered. Frog out of here immediately headed for the latest news in your industry sector,! He emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet in his carry-on bag is only about five behind! At the eye unit in the door and asked, `` all right Julia, I I!, who said, Wow all sorts of things a constipated engineer but he managed to use pencil... His retirement in peace, then the new school year began he managed to a! My reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning did I wake you? exhausted all options and not... Takes the frog to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in door! And ask, did I wake you? re in for a boyfriend in,... Has been watching all this out the window her will you expect people beneath to! Ask, did I wake you? brag to the mountains and enjoyed a great gift for fixing things... Times her train had derailed, She answered could not fix the machine called seniors 'll into... Once, twice, three Trips to the Bathroom by the Commodores the eye unit the. What income radius of curvature your boat, gently down the radius of curvature call 9pm. Serving his company loyally for over 30 years, well have thousands of ladies. Latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners your investment in health insurance is finally to... Retirement is before the boss does before the boss does having fun at home rho! The wiry engineer on the site monitor industry news you had in a air. Much will it cost minutes of your time, I 'll turn a. - completely committed to their profession each sentenced to death by guillotine connected for the latest news in industry! When some people retire, they just lose their balance his passport in carry-on!