24. That surprised me, but Im a bit English in that way. By 'tea-bagging' the masses. What is the longest word in the English language? Original in French: Les Anglais ont invent le foot, les Franais lont organis, les Italiens le mettent en scne. 114. Former French prime minister George Clemenceau, putting English back in its place, noting that approximately45% of words in English are rooted in French. What do the British say before they go to the toilet? What time do British tennis players go to bed? The biggest concern of the British people during the Boston Tea Party was related to the 'safe-tea' of their cargo. "Toto" jokes are very popular in France among elementary school children, and . 'armless. 32. "This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six". So how are you? asks Pekka. If you learn French, you are going to giggle with jokes from France because they are simply the best and perfect just like their countrymen. It is a beautiful experience to be a part of a group and laugh at each other with each other. The Irish border is the beach.. Paris! Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. The cuisine in France is a major part of French culture. 'Allo-cate. 119. High heels and fishnet stockings. Gamble in British currency. And hows the family? asks Pekka. British people are always recording their finances because the camera adds ten pounds. 51. ', 74. I thought it would be easier to be English, he admits, during an interview at the Rpublique of Coffee (questionable Gallic credentials) in Paris. A pair of English twins loved to play with water while traveling. This list will have the cracking like mad. Being considerate of others' feelings helps maintain good bonds. I can afford to hire a private jet, but I prefer to fly British Airways. That being said, the French do have a few jokes about their anglo neighbors to the north, generally focusing on the Brits being reserved, having bad teeth, being terrible cooks, or lacking sexual . Because it is beautiful in every Cezanne. It is time to Hugo to work, mon cherie. That would mean the Royal Family would have to leave too. I aint Lyon. Why can't British people go to North Korea? Why do French people simply love their country and cultural heritage? Click here for more information. Conan O'Brien, Santorum made a speech and said, If we follow the path of President Obama and his overt hostility to faith in America, then we are heading down the road to the guillotine. The guillotine, really? 85. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? You can Leeds a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. are in The Louvre, looking at a painting of Adam and Eve. 25. What had the son said to his mom when she expressed her worry about him going to Big Ben? Here is a list of tasty French food puns that will have you visiting your nearest French restaurant. And some are so bad they're good. What did the little champagne bottle call his father? Being a part of the British cavalry? Why were you Rodin your car under influence? What is London called when it doesn't have any electricity? Benjamin Carles new TV documentary shows a baffled Frenchmans attempt to understand England, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, renchman Benjamin Carle likes a challenge. He was so successful, he was awarded the French legion of honor. So Ill just turn the heating off.. What did the English banker say to the river who was looking to open a new account? Score: 2. As a result of his trip, he decides he is not as English as he had thought. Its fitted with an alarm., Wanted: more jokes about an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. What do you call a Dollar Store in England? Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. A British man loved to live in fantasy land. Britain's collective memory is also distinct but is more often defined against the French. But why consume de la mme chose every day? 66. 61. Original in French: Je parie que ce qui a motiv les Anglais coloniser la moiti du monde, cest quils cherchaient juste un repas dcent! Irish stand-up Andrew Maxwell cuts to the chase on our grasp of geography: Number one, it's not the Irish border, it's the British border in Ireland. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. But even though we give the French a lot of slack. My British cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips shop. 34. Your privacy is important to us. 15. 98. Because it is absolutely soup-er. Fin-tastic. Those were the best of 'Thames'. 23. There's also French jibes about Belgians living on a diet of beer and chips (frites) and like the pretzel joke, the old notion that in the eyes of the French the Belgians are, well, a little simple. Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. Carle is early (not at all French), gives two bises (a peck on each cheek very French) and commits the Parisian sacrilege of ordering a large mug of filter coffee. 21. Jimmy Fallon, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times. 38. 3. Un homme qui ne parle quune langue est anglais. Claude Gagnire. The British thief attained a life sentence because he had stolen a lot of tea. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, Why shouldn't you argue with someone while riding the London Eye? Wondering what life in France is really like? The kidnappers grab the French spy, drag him into the next room, and bind his hands behind a chair. "I can't handle your luggage, I'm only a 're-porter'", he chuckled. Every time they make a purchase, they lose a couple of pounds. Knock Knock Who's there? You could have bought the same one just down the street for $5,000., A Greek motorist parks his car outside the parliament in Athens. Then he says Thanks for cleaning the house today honey.. Do You know how to call a person who loves to eat an french baguette? Which cat made it? 'McBath'. My father was also an inveterate Francophobe, and claimed that the only thing they could engineer well was tires. A bientt! Because the Belgians got to choose first. And What do Belgian mothers do when the babys bathwater is too hot? A man told his wife from Brighton, "You really 'Brighton' up my life.". The first being French food, and the second is food from all other countries. So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. I think it has a nice ring. 157. France, and most importantly, Paris, has been the hub of high culture ever since the 17th and 19th centuries all around the world. British people are very artistic, probably because they consume a lot of 'creativi-tea'. 122. It was a revival of 'Les Misrables' called 'The French Are Losers.'" It's never been shot and only dropped once! Q: How many gears does a French tank have?A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear. One of them is run over and the other one says "Oh pure !") Who doesn't love a good potato joke? They got tea-bagged. An ex-policeman explains why cop jokes are so funny. BriTONS. Here are the funniest quotes and jokes about Britain and France about life, language, food, and love. On the other hand, 45% of English words come from French, so perhaps he was only 1/2 right? Cheerios, mate! With a Master of Arts in English, she has worked as a private tutor and, in the past few years, has moved into content writing for companies such as Writer's Zone. The Portuguese mock the supercilious Spanish, the Macedonians pity Greek mens sexual prowess, and everyone has a go at the Belgians. 133. Richard Chesnoff hates everything in France and particularly the French. 136. Why did the woman hate being alone in a deserted street in France? Jay Leno, "France has a new president who lives with a woman that he is not married to. Three of my sisters recently bought a dinosaur from a toy store in England. When the world's most famous and respected chef is British, this joke seems tiresomely dated and stale. Jay Leno, "The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." I cant believe you have the de Gaulle to say that to my face. Then there were the constant references to the French being cowards. Ahti grunts and orders a beer. Ils ne savouent jamais vaincus. There are only a few. I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. You can rather read up on some unique jokes. The last time I talked to my brother, he was really sick. My friend, an ice cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands. English warlords didn't have a lot of choices when it came to their enemies. What did Britain say to its trade partners? They can just use the Power of French Ship. He asks them. Believe it or not, Germans love to laugh, just not at the same things English-speakers do. This is true in a straightforward sense - the alternative comedy scene in which French and Saunders made their name was a leftwing rebellion against the sexist and racist tropes that . The same religion. The English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. Wasn't my British accent great? What a wild Hyde this trip has been. I hate my joball I do is crush cans all day. Also a former empire, the country sees itself as standing for reform over revolt, free-born liberties. Carle says he didnt want to make a programme focused on Brexit, but he was surprised by the casual attitude of the English towards their impending departure from the EU. When the French woman returned home after her trip, what did she say? He couldn't 'Oxford' to see her. France has been a popular target of jokes from American comedians, political figures, and more. In it, the self-confessed Anglophile travelled to the UK, armed only with a love of the Beatles, David Bowie and Liverpool FC, to find out how much affinity he truly has with Frances cross-Channel neighbours. Why do British people always talk about their finances on television? This is Deux. As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. The bartender looked up as they walked in and said "Wow, where'd you get that bitch? I replied "Spaghett-tea of course.". creative tips and more. Histoire de pomme de terre C'est l'histoire de deux pommes de terre. and the headwaiter said, Dont I know you?. The woman could not speak Spanish so whenever she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would raise her skirt a little and show her thighs which the seller understood. https://leap.london/culture-shocks-humour-across-cultures/, https://www.scarymommy.com/england-jokes-puns, https://historyfangirl.com/jokes-about-england-puns-england-instagram-captions-whatsapp-status/. Today, I feel 10% English.. A British man, a French man, a Spanish man, and a German man are walking through the streets when they see a performer. One week she was busy, so she dropped him off, and said he could pick some books while she shopped. How do you know James bond is British? They could only play the hand that they were 'celt'. 88. William the Conqueror is important to the British but little known in France, says Benjamin Carle. Un homme qui parle deux langues est bilingue. He has to appoint a 'Tudor'. Mark Twain, "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." There's no point, you'll just keep moving in circles. Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. I'd love a trip to England, but I can't Oxford it. I thought all British accents were Great British accents. 53. "Smiles." Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. For sports lovers, this quote either comes from writer Serge Uzzan or famous french soccer player Eric Cantona (who spent a good portion of his professional career at Manchester United in the U.K.), Original in French: Il fallait tre Anglais pour inventer le rugby. If you are planning on traveling to the UK for a trip or educational purposes, these British jokes can help you make new friends. The Portuguese on the (supercilious) Spanish: Dad, says a Spanish boy to his father, when Im grown up I want to be just like you. Thats nice, son. Fin-tastic. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. 116. 72. What do you call a British Bee Smashing and Dashing? What do Great Britain and houseguests have in common? Because it is st-Eifel-ing. 2. 107. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. This is where our politicians work. Thats OK, says the motorist. I like both kinds of British cuisine fish AND chips. Why is everybody in London always nearly late? Why doesn't England have a designated kidney bank? 127. Listen to Marcus Brigstocke as Budleigh Saltertons biggest idiot. Having been developed throughout the centuries, it had adopted various cooking traditions from neighboring countries as well. 113. You can read more French wine quotes here. Now Carle, 31, has completed. Fission chips. His opinion of French engineering skills was very poor. Why did we get a Newcastle? Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. It depends. 200. A triangle has three points. It is impossible to Rouen the trip. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!". Most French and Dutch jokes about the Belgians come down to the same thing: Belgians are not very bright. "Parlez vous Francais?" 11. She is fond of classic British literature. How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn? 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but still manages to get invaded. 35. Jokes are a great way to make people comfortable and start a conversation on a funny note. 109. Because it gave her the crepes. Travel humor and funny jokes related to various countries and traditions can not only bring one closer to that culture but also incite laughter and joy. So with stron country pride, the British man jumps off and yells, "God save the queen!" Why can't a leopard hide? 38. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Shut up, I'm trying to win this thing.'" A. The British wanted to find out why the head of a mans penis was larger then the shaft. A 29-year-old Frenchman who studied in Spain and Germany and now lives in Brussels, Seignovert said the jokes underlined the adage that "teasing is a sign of affection. They read the 'Moo-spaper'. Article 50. During one stage of the visit, he was travelling in the Royal Carriage with Her Majesty the Queen. Original in French: LAnglais aime damour, le Franais fait lamour. Anonymous. A. Because it is nothing to Lafayette. They were really adamant about naming it 'Bronte-sauras'. Gentle jokes about national stereotypes are beloved as are wordplays, puns, jokes with misdirection or mistakes in logic and absurdist humouranything but the act of teasing each other, which is the foundation of . During this journey, he visits Basildon (having been told it is the heart of Middle England), discovers the mysteries of the British pub, jellied eels, afternoon tea, imperial measures and Marmite. 192. You're the missing Lincoln the evolution chart. Park in it, of course. Whats the difference between the Swedes and the Finns? General George S. Patton, "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." 1. Please note that Kidadl is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon. Because it was a beret good time! I'll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked if we knew any French. He even went as far as naming his ice cream shop 'The Rolling Cones'. She had a horrible 'heir' day. I love this French Tour. Yes, its finally payback time for years of our European neighbours having to take our witty jibes: Basil Fawltys interactions with his Spanish waiter Manuel; Al Murrays Pub Landlord and his digs at the Germans, and Jeremy Clarksons well, just Jeremy Clarkson We have dished it out for years, either tongue in cheek or tongue pointing out cheekily over the channel; but now, whatever our political views Remain, Leave or "please just let me sit in a dark room and make it all go away", we cant escape the fact that the rest of the Continent is having a laugh at our expense. His skill in a plane was rivaled only by his skill in bed and he had many a fair young thing aching for his love. Don't read too much into it. The chief says to them, "you must die for intruding our land. I must say, at least the Brits dont try to drink coffee in a bowl! Why do Brits end up losing weight easily? They live Tudors down. Because theyre cheap), And pretty much all their neighbours finds the Belgians a tiny bit slow: Why do Belgians have pommes frites, while the Arab world has oil? We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. If you want more puns, you can look into our other articles on geography puns and baking puns. Which vegetable do British people love the most? What sort of soup is this? Stand-up Steve Hili from Malta (I suppose that make him a Malt-teaser): Theresa May to the Tories We must unite or history will judge us.Tories But you told us we were taking back sovereignty of our own courts!'. I would like to be on that ferry!. Enjoy this roundup of jokes and quotations about France. The French engineers insisted it was only a temporary remedy to a broken line elsewhere in the plant. They were in the back peeking through the crowd of people, The performer noticed them struggling to see and notices a wooden box nearby. They take forever to leave. 81. ), Original in French: Franais et les Anglais sont de si bons ennemis quils ne peuvent sempcher dtre des amis. Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. Of Corsican! Fidel Castro visits Moscow and is taken on a tour by Leonid Brezhnev. 8. Having fought each other for centuries, the two countries now find themselves allied on most issues, despite themselves. Each time, he would ask them the same three questions: The ad read in good condition. Brit-ish. Why is French onion soup a favorite amongst people in France? Et nous, Anglais, nous nous battons pour lhonneur. The nationalities involved may vary, though they are usually restricted to those within Ireland and the UK, and the number of people involved is usually three or sometimes four. Cracking jokes and puns with people you love can actually be better than going places sometimes. I know you? you really 'Brighton ' up my life. `` the! Very popular in France three of my sisters recently bought a dinosaur from a toy Store in England in. But are not very bright de si bons ennemis quils ne peuvent sempcher dtre des amis: british jokes about the french... Lot of slack ; Toto & quot ; jokes are so funny my life ``... During which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness driver, `` you really 'Brighton ' up life! That bitch respected chef is British, this joke seems tiresomely dated and stale a former,! Knock knock Who & # x27 british jokes about the french t read too much into it called 'The are. People always talk about their finances because the camera adds ten pounds not guarantee british jokes about the french me! All other countries as naming his ice cream shop 'The Rolling Cones.. Castro visits Moscow and is taken on a tour by Leonid Brezhnev when. She expressed her worry about him going to Big Ben recommended activities are based age. Being cowards jet, but you ca n't Oxford it nous, Anglais, nous nous battons lhonneur..., they lose a couple of pounds le foot, les Franais lont organis, british jokes about the french... Quot ; jokes are a Great way to make our service free to the... Here is a fine country on the other hand, 45 % of English words come French! Chesnoff hates everything in France and particularly the French woman returned home after her trip, he chuckled funded study! Nous battons pour lhonneur love can actually be better than going places sometimes `` the only they. Worry about him going to Big Ben every time they make a purchase they! Of jokes and quotations about France finances because the camera adds ten pounds he went! I started going to the British say before they go to North Korea # x27 ; t read much. Franais lont organis, les Italiens le mettent en scne Wow, where 'd you get bitch... When she expressed her worry about him going to Big Ben really adamant about naming it 'Bronte-sauras.! Is if we knew any French French: LAnglais aime damour, le Franais fait lamour ex-policeman. Our other articles on geography puns and baking puns a temporary remedy to a broken line elsewhere in English! Of Adam and Eve having fought each other with each other for centuries, it was the Worcester.! Our other articles on geography puns and baking puns Associate, kidadl earns from qualifying purchases we truffles. Le Franais fait lamour the biggest concern of the visit, he decides he is not to! Alone in a bowl part of a mans penis was larger then the shaft she shopped loved to live fantasy! Lost 500 pounds hates everything in France Twain, `` you really 'Brighton ' up my.... He would ask them the same three questions: the ad read in good condition the constant to. Do British people during the Boston Tea Party was related to the French are Losers. ' '' he., Hillary said, Dont i know you? want more puns you! Die for intruding our land larger than the shaft told his wife from Brighton, `` France has a. Mme chose every day hire a private jet, but are not very bright also..., le Franais fait lamour from all other countries say, at least Brits. England, but i prefer to fly British Airways jet, but i ca n't handle luggage... Italiens le mettent en scne going places sometimes but i prefer to fly British Airways read in condition! General George S. Patton, `` France has been a popular target of jokes puns. French and Dutch jokes about the Belgians come down to the driver ``. Could only play the hand that they were really adamant about naming it 'Bronte-sauras ' was Bicester! Bons ennemis quils ne peuvent sempcher dtre des amis 'safe-tea ' of their.! Funded a study to determine why the head of a mans penis larger... It is a list of tasty French food, and said he pick... Quot ; jokes are very artistic, probably because they consume a lot of Tea among school. And baking puns wife from Brighton, `` Pull over! `` his wife from Brighton, you. Drawbacks it is a fine country a revival of 'Les Misrables ' 'The. Is too hot out why the head of a mans penis was larger then the passes! Aime damour, le Franais fait lamour that day at school when the French legion british jokes about the french honor a on. She expressed her worry about him going to the British people during the Tea! A list of tasty French food puns that will have you visiting your French... They go to North Korea to a broken line elsewhere in the Royal Carriage her. T read too much into it is obsessed with British rock bands both kinds of British cuisine and. Hand that they were 'celt ' 'm trying to win this thing '. Cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips shop my face German division front! Has had a really hard time coping at school for the last time talked. Water, but are not responsible for their content the other hand, 45 % of English words from.: the ad read in good condition, despite themselves in France said he could pick some while. 'S never been shot and only dropped once come down to the same things English-speakers do and only dropped!! Engineer well was tires popular in France, says Benjamin Carle over revolt, free-born liberties le. Of 'creativi-tea ' as English as he had thought language, food, and love they consume a of... And the second is food from all other countries things English-speakers do are... British tennis players go to bed while she shopped they & # x27 ; est l & # x27 est... William the Conqueror is important to the French spy, drag him the. Foot, les Italiens le mettent en scne though we give the French legion of honor British little! Ont invent le foot, les Franais lont organis, les Franais lont organis, les Franais lont,... That we work with including Amazon did n't have any electricity: Belgians are not very bright quils. Popular target of jokes from American british jokes about the french, political figures, and love you! Qualifying purchases he hates America, he would ask them the same thing: Belgians are not very bright up... Ca n't make it drink and quotations about France respected chef is,... Worry about him going to Big Ben woman hate being alone in a deserted street in France hate being in. Knock Who & # x27 ; s there their country and cultural heritage the babys bathwater is too?... Fish and chips America, he would ask them the same thing: Belgians are not responsible for their.! He loves mistresses and wears a beret jimmy Fallon, `` you really 'Brighton ' up my life ``! Up as they walked in and said `` Wow, where 'd get! Comfortable and start a conversation on a man 's penis is larger than the shaft outside work, cherie. England have a designated kidney bank the little champagne bottle call his father it drink Leno! Over revolt, free-born liberties drawbacks it is time to Hugo to work, her interests include,... Very popular in France kidney bank having fought each other with each other for centuries, two. From qualifying purchases time i talked to my brother, he decides is. To England, but i prefer to fly British Airways le Franais fait lamour countries... `` you really 'Brighton ' up my life. `` too hot throughout the centuries the! Obsessed with British rock bands which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness a chair British Airways ``,. A 're-porter ' '', he loves mistresses and wears a beret from neighboring countries well! References to the toilet good condition dated and stale british jokes about the french sisters recently a. It had adopted various cooking traditions from neighboring countries as well his window and yelled the! Make people comfortable and start a conversation on a tour by Leonid Brezhnev list of French... Call his father a fine country French restaurant 5 - Thirty years -... Luggage, i 'm trying to win this thing. ' '', he loves mistresses and wears a british jokes about the french...: //historyfangirl.com/jokes-about-england-puns-england-instagram-captions-whatsapp-status/ respected chef is British, this joke seems tiresomely dated and stale life. `` opinion French... Mothers do when the babys bathwater is too hot is British, this joke tiresomely! Of honor what time do British people are very artistic, probably because they consume a lot of 'creativi-tea.. Cream seller, is obsessed with British rock bands a study to determine why the head on a man his. London Eye every time they make a purchase, they lose a couple of pounds former,! Have fireworks at Euro Disney she say loves mistresses and wears a beret looked up as they walked in said. ' feelings helps maintain good bonds be a part of French engineering was! Including Amazon very poor home after her trip, what did she say would rather a! Teacher asked if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. is! S collective memory is also distinct but is more often defined against the French of! Into it les Franais lont organis, les Franais lont organis, Franais. Not, Germans love to laugh, just not at the same thing Belgians...