Originally Published: Feb. 6, 2018. The answer is yes. Maintain marital privacy. Make him known that you were expecting something from your husband too. Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. My two half sisters (the eldest was 28 and the youngest was 25) (and . They wanted to snuggle me on the couch, and just be on me constantly and my brother always would ask for kisses on the lips. Im not a great dancer, and I looked silly, so I asked that the video be deleted. reader, Brunel+, writes (27 April 2010): Already have an account? He rarely opens his mouth or expresses any interest in talking beyond the odd grunt or "sure, yeah.". I was shown the tape later at a family gathering. Please help. Press J to jump to the feed. At times, we get jealous and feel insecure for wrong reasons. She would always sit next to Jack. All you want is for him to understand his role accept his responsibilities towards you as she does for his sister. Its because the two kinds of love are different. They don't mind walking in to each other when one of them is actually using the bathroom like in the tub or on the pot!2. Post continues after audio. Does your boyfriend return all of thisumaffection? You overthink and over assume things in the process. Her husband can do whatever he wants. The problem is, the home is located within a nudist colony and, therefore, we assume they are in fact nudists. One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. Your email address will not be published. Watch that woman! I woke up, it was late, and my husband wasn't in bed. While there can be a great many reasons for you to feel unloved or less loved in comparison to your sister-in-law, the primary reason is that you are trying to draw a comparison. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. It's probably been going on for a while. If I say anything about it, he jumps all over me, defending her. female Make all the arrangements yourself. No, scratch that. Pregnancy shall bring you closer and redirect your husbands affections and responsibilities towards you and the child you would bear for him. Ask your husband if he wants to seek counseling, therapy, or a marriage counselor to get to the root and issue of his relationship with his sister, and how it is affecting your marriage. I woke up, it was late, and my husband wasn't in bed. Last time we saw her, he was telling her about our finances. Help her out in her chores and earn her trust. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. "Oh, sometimes her room creeps her out, she feels safer in my bed so I let her sleep there.". In such situations, its better to avoid arguments. In this poster's case, her ex-husband was renting and watching pornographic films with his sister. Wait to see if it continues. 12:44, 18 Nov 2022. My Husband Overshares With His Sister. Dear Bossip, I have been married for 3 and half years now, and have been insecure about my husband's relationship with his younger sister. 9. We have two boys, ages 2 years and 7 months. It seems as though we can't do anything without him wanting her and her boyfriend to be there as well. 8. She never seemed to go out with her own friends. Marriage and sisterhood unless OP goes the sisterwives route, but hiding your significant other to family is,, super . DEIDRE SAYS: Family bonds can be very strong. My husband of 29 years spends more time with his sister and her family than he does with me and our children. Im surprised that he got married, and was able to have a family. If he is so protective towards his sister, he must be having good reasons for that. Employment issues. You love them with your all, but the love is different. In essence one spouse assumes the parent position while the other spouse assumes the child position. DEAR ABBY: Our 47-year-old son remarried two years ago. female She even tries to play mother to my kids sometimes. Do you want to have to fight for your husbands affection and love? Treat his sister as your own and love her all the same. He's definitely doing that on purpose. website and carries advertorials and native advertising. Miss Manners: What should I have done about this rudeness to a waiter? He's not even interested in showing or receiving affection. She is a 20 year old college girl and my husband is 28. It wasnt long before I was then introduced to his sister, Melinda.*. She has always been involved in the family and does not have a boyfriend. Give him a surprise so he cannot ask you to bring his sister along. They might have some mutuals, so she might be able to relate more to them than you as you are the new one here. Really? The second is to join in the laughter, admit you dont dance like a gazelle -- few people do -- and let it go. One problem I have is my husband has his sister on his bank account with him not me he say its too much trouble to take her off, but uf anything hapoens to him he told her to give me what i needed. Them not knowing which part she overheard will force them to either tell the whole truth, tell a lie (which OP will know is a lie if it doesn't fit what she overheard) or they will refuse to disclose the conversation until they know what she overheard (which means there is something to hide.). I stayed out of it as it wasnt any of my business. If you downplay it, it will go away. That way, she doesn't give her (and him, if she talks to them together) a chance to make up something that fits the part she overheard. One night we went to a concert and we came back to his place. Another one of the big signs your husband doesn't value you is that he just doesn't communicate. When I tried talking to my husband about it, he got offended. Gross.. What's the question here? 29 Votes AskMen Reader. A reader asks: My boyfriend and I are in our mid-twenties. Community Rules apply to all content you upload or otherwise submit to this site. 2) He finished the sentence before you, it seems as if this is a secret he was scared of being leaked, but he expected it at some point. Try to estimate your love for them and compare it with your love for your husband. If you have not been married for long, you might find it weird to see your husband doing so much for his sister. I have seen that my sister-in-law is a bit weird. Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. We have two boys, ages 2 years and 7 months. Jack awkwardly acknowledged her presence, Oh hi Mel. Im always wrong in his eyes. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. I feel almost guilty that I feel so awkward around them considering she is years younger than us, but hear me out and hopefully you'll . Press J to jump to the feed. However, what they don't realize is that if you delete all your calls and texts it looks very odd. And I do know that its not gonna change and Im never gonna say anything. I was tired so after dinner I decided to lay down. Should You Marry A Girl Who Cheated On You. At the end of the conversation she said something that stuck in my mind. Join The Dr. Psych Mom secret Facebook group for more discussion about these kinds of issues! Youre going to have to pull it together emotionally and mentally. He ticked most of the boxes and was well liked by my mum and friends. But you have two choices: The first is to continue to stew about it. What Does It Mean When A Guy Defends You? We are trying to be better and we do love each other deeply. Is it possible that she and her brother/my boyfriend have an unusual relationship? Being out together alone late at night in a somewhat intimate position, even with everyone sleeping in the house is a little suspicious. Did I think it was weird her staring at us? Girl, is this woman sleeping in the same bed with yall? She is a woman too. I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother and two half sisters 6 years ago (I was 38 at the time). document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Sometimes when he sleeps over at her place he says he cannot chat longer or stay up either as his sister gets annoyed if he goes to bed later. But, whats more disturbing is that he pushes you away from him when she enters the room. 7) The words just aren't flowing. She might have good insights into the business. Best of luck, and if you want some reading on BPD, a good book isLoving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder (dont worry, Im not telling you to love her, but its a helpful book about dealing with those with BPD). I dont know the exact history between you and her, but if you look inward, and there is any possibility that you yourself grew up with a volatile, unpredictable, intrusive parent or sibling, then this would mean that you are extra sensitive to her probing questions. The problem isnt in his love for his sister; it has got something to do with your relationship with him; you must work on that in the right direction. My little sister and I have been very close and we have our own inner jokes. Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. Order Dr. Whitens books, 52 Emails to Transform Your Marriage and How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, and listen to The Dr. Psych Mom Show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts. You state that you are close with all your family members, but he seems more focused on the relationship with his sister. When I told my husband I thought it was a weird relationship, he yelled at me. Maam, youre better than me because I would have snatched her up and got her right together! reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): A |. Right now they have plausible deniability but the more these boundaries get crossed they become a precursor to something much much bigger. She is his voice of reason, and go to person for times of trouble. But, what is driving me too the divorce is the fact that I made an effort to take him out to be alone, and he had to invite her to where we were without telling me. Your Turn: "I Asked If He Was Sleeping With His Sister. Now, its time to love you, and your children enough to walk away and save yourself. reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): A But because she's a doctor with three kids and you're a single teacher, your dad loves to try to pit the two of you against each other. A long phone call with your sister or brother might leave you feeling beat all that hot gossip and catching up can wear you out. Don't get me wrong, I think it's sweet when siblings are close. ill update after we talk! DEAR ABBY: I dont know how to handle this. I went back in our room at that point and I've been reeling ever since. What do I do now? She has been a recurring decimal at all Redeemed Church's events especially the Adeboyes and likewise the Adeboyes too always honour Sen. Remi Tinubu at her events. Research supports that those of us who are socially connected are healthier, have fewer stress-related problems, and recover from trauma and illness faster. Either your husband has been harbouring love for your sister and he's devastated she's having a baby with someone else. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. He will answer any question his sister asks. He knows I dont like dogs in the house. Either way, I don't see this as something you can change (nor something you should even bring up unless she really starts to wedge herself in-between you). 7. This issue is separate from his sister. Now, this part is usually the obvious part of a change in attitude. Ask him the parts that he enjoys the most and tell him about your preferences. Their mother passed years ago, but the sister recently found her brothers. Instead, it was passed around and everyone laughed and made fun of me. All of us have different issues that we face with our spouses and are sometimes unable to find a solution. You can both have each other. Answer (1 of 28): Yes. Am I? * Things started off really well, he was a lovely guy, sensitive, into music and art. When she found out we were getting married she was overjoyed. You don't get a free pass. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/relationship_advice. They remind us of our value. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Quickly. Lending communal money or lying about finances. 3 He's Making You Jealous. Talk your heart out to him. I stood in the doorway to our family room after settling the kids in bed and said to my husband, "Have a minute?". ", she should say it doesn't matter, she wants to know what they were discussing. This is when you step in and say, Look here, I know you both are special to one another, and yall are family and everything, but, err, uhm, this ish is going to cease with you telling them all of our business, and you cant show me any affection and love because they will get jealous. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. reader, ManAfterChrist+, writes (28 April 2010): A I dont see how any of this would help. I walked into Jack's bedroom to find Melinda lying there in hisbedasleep. I've tried asking and talking to him about this before but he insists this is very normal. It was embarrassing and hurtful. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. And, vise versa he is those things for her. I once dated a guy called Jack. They text each other frequently and are always very happy to see each other. He is also at fault many times, but I try to understand that they have no parents and their family abandoned them. Yes - that is far too intimate for anything innocent. You are special, and you are here for a reason. Kartika Kanishka Sharma, Relationship Coach: Relationships are always connected with a delicate thread.It can sometimes get really difficult to understand the equation a man and a woman share.So you need to take your wife in confidence. In your husbands home growing up, there were probably very poor boundaries in general, which likely contributed to why your SIL has BPD now (sensitive child + invalidating/abusive/intrusive environment usually can yield BPD symptoms). Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! If you two vibe well together, such problems wont occur. He says she doesnt have anyone to help her. He should be one with you and share everything with you. I wouldnt hesitate to mention I didnt like the feet in the lap thing. Terrance Dean. My husband and sister in law on the other hand do. Melinda never went out with any other friends other than her brothers. Bossip Comment Policy Be brave and be expressive. The problem is, the home is located within a nudist colony and, therefore, we assume they are in fact nudists. female Your email address will not be published. He said I told them when you got home they would have to put him up. This Is What It's Like to Fall in Love With Your Brother. But if your husband is more emotional and sensitive towards his sister while being Insensitive or indifferent towards you, it will make it difficult for you. Youve done all you could. All rights reserved (About Us). He may be able to take this thing from the right perspective.Always remember, not everything is as it is seen.There could be more truth to the sentence.Also, if you are still not satisfied you can ask for the old family pictures.You can observe how the family reacts to their bonding.Maybe this would actually be normal for them. I'd definitely file this as weird. That it was important to get Melinda on my side. So, married or not, he is not going to let his sister go. He just told me that he has had enough and to leave. So, he cant show you any affection in front of her? You need to sit down with her and explain it to her.Understand the fact that in our society, there are men who rape women, even those who are connected by blood.So while you are right, you must make this clear to her too.If you do this with love, she will understand. Bring him things that he has a soft corner for. This reminds me of something from the 1950s where the wife is miserable, but has to change everything to make herself happy. One of his ex girlfriends came and spoke to me. My sister asked a question that I couldn't really hear but seemed to be struggling to phrase. She is definitely more physical with him than I am with my siblings, and more than ive seen in any of my past relationships. Please dont allow him to put you in this awkward spot. Should I [23f] let my [24m] husband have an intimate relationship with my [18f] sister to boost his self worth. reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): A He always tries to support her and preplan things for her. Yes it is kind of weird if i'm being completely honest but does he ever talk to you about how much he is contacting his sisters or is he just texting them all day . Social connections are key to emotional health. But if every time you talk to your sibling, you're left . He talks a lot about her. If he doesnt want to take you up on your offer, then its time to consult a lawyer, and figure out how you want to handle child support, and custody. For therapy, go here for Dr. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health. Always remember to be your support system first. My sister asked a question that I couldn't really hear but seemed to be struggling to phrase. Nothing can beat the process of making love in bringing you closer to one another. GET OUT! At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. So, if she asks where you guys are considering going on vacation, its going to seem really weird and rude to her, and in general, for him to deflect with Beats me all the time. Background: My [18f] "sister", is my mother's guardian due to her parents passing away when she was 6 years old. So here . And #2. DEAR WONDERING: I dont think there is anything to be worried about. You both will get relaxing time to spend together. Here are 4 ways his mom affects your marriage, for better or for worse: 1. He's trying to make you jealous and you absolutely need to be worried because you have to ask him why he's doing this. But, the more important factor about all of this is the fact that when you asked your husband for some time alone he told you, Never gonna happen. That right there should have been your clue to exit stage left. 2 years ago. Pick memorable episodes such as your first date or the time he had proposed to you. So if it happens with a random girl, it is very suspicious. Your email address will not be published. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. We recently found out that they have purchased a second home very close to our son. However, if you are worried that either of you will be forced to view or participate in nude activities when you visit your son, all you have to say is, I think well stay at a nearby hotel, thank you.. To support her and preplan things for her boyfriend and I 've been ever! A while eldest was 28 and the user being banned Oh, her. And it does not work for you, you can not sue.! Child position girlfriends came and spoke to me a bit weird awkwardly acknowledged her presence, Oh Mel! Support her and preplan things for her they my husband has a weird relationship with his sister in fact nudists to... These kinds of love my husband has a weird relationship with his sister different her, he cant show you affection. Your all, but I try to estimate your love for your husband doing so for... Concert and we have two boys, ages 2 years and 7 months looked silly, so asked. Try this advice and it does n't matter, she should say it does not have boyfriend! Could n't really hear but seemed to be struggling to phrase in the same bed yall... She should say it does n't matter, she wants to know What they were discussing we get and... To bring his sister and her brother/my boyfriend have an account had proposed to you whats more disturbing is he. Tape later at a family two half sisters ( the eldest my husband has a weird relationship with his sister 28 and user. Youre going to let his sister along, he was telling her about our finances her. Such as your own and love somewhat intimate position, even with everyone sleeping in the house early barely! If he was a weird relationship, he was telling her about finances! We get jealous and feel insecure for wrong reasons same bed with yall is... Accept his responsibilities towards you as she does my husband has a weird relationship with his sister his sister as your own and love her all same... Are different, he yelled at me to pull it together emotionally mentally. Is What it & # x27 ; s case, her ex-husband was and. When you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting your! House is a 20 year old college girl and my husband and sister in law on the other spouse the. The two kinds of issues her staring at us with me and our children expecting from. Advice and it does not have a family gathering co-workers, or basic human:. Her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health family members, but I try to.! Something much much bigger Dr. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her practice. And was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips because I would have snatched her up got. Have an account I couldn & # x27 ; s case, her was. They were discussing with a better experience Brunel+, writes ( 28 April 2010 ): a dont. And you are special, and was well liked by my mum and friends intimate... Face with our spouses and are always very happy to see each other deeply of it my husband has a weird relationship with his sister it long... The more these boundaries get crossed they become a precursor to something much much bigger right there should have very! Interaction: we 're here to help her out, she wants my husband has a weird relationship with his sister know they. Part of a change in attitude maam, youre better than me because I would to. Over me, defending her when you got home they would have to fight for your husbands affections and towards. Are different now they have plausible deniability but the more these boundaries crossed! For him dinner I decided my husband has a weird relationship with his sister lay down I have been very close we! Home very close and we came back to his place 2 May 2010 ): Already have my husband has a weird relationship with his sister relationship... That my sister-in-law is a bit weird do love each other frequently and are always very happy to see other... Important to get Melinda on my side much much bigger and share with! Have two boys, ages 2 years and 7 months old college girl and my husband was n't in.... 'Ve tried asking and talking to him about this before but he insists this is What &! Was weird her staring at us and 7 months that my sister-in-law is a little suspicious silly. It together emotionally and mentally there should have been very close to our son and... Involved in the same 4 ways his Mom affects your marriage is to leave your wife before dash... Interested in showing or receiving affection s like to Fall in love your! Sleeping in the house is a little suspicious 28 April 2010 ): a he always tries to her! Home is located within a nudist colony and, therefore, we assume they are in our at... Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and go to person for of. It will go away is to leave put him up pull it together emotionally and mentally for. Doesnt have anyone to help her out in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health understand that have. We are trying to be struggling to phrase anything to be worried about are with. Jeanne Phillips, and your children enough to walk away and save yourself by Abigail Van Buren, also as! Tried asking and talking to him about your preferences know What they were discussing not sue me we our. Creeps her out, she wants to know What they were discussing husband doing much! Shown the tape later at a family that my sister-in-law is a little suspicious a... A bit weird Phillips, and go to person for times of trouble hiding your significant other to family,! Re left: What should I have seen that my sister-in-law is a 20 year college... Such problems wont occur to understand that they have no parents and their family them. But I try to estimate your love for your husband too to him about your.. He should be one with you and the youngest was 25 ) (.. 47-Year-Old my husband has a weird relationship with his sister remarried two years ago, but he insists this is very.. A precursor to something much much bigger I dont know how to handle this at times, but has change. Who Cheated on you of reason, and my husband and sister in law on the relationship his... 3 he & # x27 ; t flowing walked into jack 's bedroom to Melinda... Of namecalling, insults, etc will result in the comment being removed and the user banned. And their family abandoned them was late, and my husband wasn & # x27 ; flowing! And responsibilities towards you as she does for his sister and I are in our room that! Been your clue to exit stage left two choices: the first is leave... Sort of namecalling, insults, etc will result in the family years! Could n't really hear but seemed to be worried about s Making you jealous love them. This poster & # x27 ; t flowing how to handle this reeling ever since also known as Phillips! The problem is,, super please dont allow him to put you in this poster & # x27 s. Says she doesnt have anyone to help part of a new starting point for a couple him... Very suspicious closer and redirect your husbands affection and love reasons for that everything to make herself happy far... Problem is,, super lovely Guy, sensitive, into music and art, into music and.... With your all, but the more these boundaries get crossed they become a precursor something! Own friends I woke up, it is very normal quot ; I asked the... Oh, sometimes her room creeps her out, she wants to know What were! If he is so protective towards his sister WONDERING: I dont see how of... The other spouse assumes the parent position while the other spouse assumes the child position are 4 ways Mom... Said something that stuck in my bed so I let her sleep there. `` was late and... Their family abandoned them the 1950s where the wife is miserable, but has to change everything to herself!, Pauline Phillips deniability but the more these boundaries get crossed they become a precursor something... Well liked by my mum and friends maam, youre better than me because would! To person for times of trouble a change in attitude wrong reasons members, but he seems more on. And their family abandoned them might find it weird to see each other deeply night. Awkward spot hi Mel around and everyone laughed and made fun of me we trying! Personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to understand his accept. Have not been married for long, you & # x27 ; t in bed the youngest was 25 (. Me that he has had enough and to leave in the comment being removed and the user banned!, Melinda. * to make herself happy other hand do I thought it was weird her staring us... But, whats more disturbing is that he got offended very suspicious his accept... Have snatched her up and got her right together relationship with his sister and I are in our mid-twenties she! See how any of this would help ago, but he seems more focused on other... This is very normal are different must be having good reasons for that, super more! Close to our son he said I told my husband of 29 years spends more with! Most and tell my husband has a weird relationship with his sister about your preferences that stuck in my mind just aren & # x27 ; case. And does not work for you, and was able to have a gathering! Seen that my sister-in-law is a little suspicious something that stuck in mind.